A few weeks ago, I heard from a friend that another mutual friend had chosen to stop following me on social media because my posts were making her feel insufficient. As someone who feels insufficient on a regular basis this really took me aback. I have spent a lot of time mulling over this, probably too much time, and desiring to fix it, though I know I can’t. I cannot control what my posts make people feel, but I can share my heart.
I am you.
I am human. I am flawed. I fail.
As a mom, I yell. Yup, I am a yeller at times. I have tried the “if you feel like yelling, whisper” thing, but guys, no one hears me! There are too many kids in this house for that bologna. I overreact. Yes, I have even scolded a kid for asking me too quietly to come wipe their butt. There was probably a better way to handle that one. I micromanage. You’ve seen the lists (if you have followed me for long). I like to try to come up with ways…to manage their every movement and decision in a day. Newsflash: it isn’t working yet. I forget things. “Sorry, kid! Mommy forgot it was dress up as a book character at school today. Just tell them you are a muggle!”
As a blogger, I kind of suck. My last blog post was FORTY days ago. I don’t know how to make pretty printables. I don’t know how to take artsy high quality photos. And most of my ideas don’t even work for very long!
As a wife, I can be selfish. The more comfortable you become in a relationship, the easier it is to see yourself more and your partner less. I am so very stubborn. I can tell you exactly how I got this way, but that isn’t the point. How I ended up so stubborn isn’t a free pass to just be stubborn. I carry a lot of scars from the past that affect our present. Every day I learn more about myself, more about my husband, and more about how God wants me to love him well. It will be an ongoing process everyday of our lives. A process I look forward to!
As a friend, I am detached. I was told this week by a friend that she was feeling forgotten by me. She isn’t the first friend in my life to ever tell me this. I don’t reach out very often. I forget to respond to texts or return calls. I let the busyness of life affect my quality as a friend. This is something I am working on. I want to be a good friend. I want to be a source of encouragement. I want to bless the people in my life always. But I have to overcome myself.
If I am not your typical mom blogger who can fill your world with recipes, ideas that work, pretty printables you can use, fun ideas for you and your family, foolproof money saving tips, funny videos, or captivating podcasts, then why am I here?
I am here to bring you hope with my story of loss, single mom days, beauty from ashes, and beauty even in the chaos.
I am here to be in the trenches of life with you, trying, sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding, always clinging to the One who holds it all together even when I can’t!
I am here to hopefully provide you with some laughs as someone, flawed as yourself, has been entrusted with 7 children and am just figuring it out as I go!
I am here to be your friend! I want to hear from you. Comment, message, email. Tell me what blesses you. Tell me what doesn’t! Life isn’t always easy. Momming is rarely easy. Being a wife isn’t easy. Being a good friend isn’t easy. We are in this together.